In Retrospect

Maybe this posts is a bit superfluous and wanton, since it is very unplanned, opposed to several others. Yes, I do set aside work for my blog in advance, usually opting to write them down in one of several note pads I have. In that way, I ration, I could work from something that's been well thought over, edited and ameliorated, from it's former draft-(ness) HA HA
So this one is coming along to me as I happen to sit here, listening to music, BBMing, and thinking ALL AT ONCE. Being higher than Kesha, P.Diddy, Mick Jagger and Courtney Love doesn't help either, since my thoughts may just be in disarry. SALTS (Smiles A little Than stops) I think there perfectly abreast and sorted.
Today, albeit waking up rather disoriented, moody, and nostalgic, I found my way at the edge of some unexplained jovial feelings, and warmth- finding myself happy, and less-moody...I don't know...my emotions tend to fluctuate, or oscillate like that; nothing new really, since I've always been that way...
Perhaps it's all the excitement for BJs modeling competition and there been a mere 4 hours left to vote for him- it's rather tense, but we're sure of the win or maybe it's that there has finally been something in regard to Mobean, or it could very well be that tomorrow I'm seeing, Sammi and Nadia at Wits and also that Shaquille's coming for the weekend. You just know great things are happening, when you anticipate something with so much zest; like the outcome of the competition, seeing Sam and Nadz, and then my weekend.
I'm doing somersaults in the cavity of my subconscious ego, and doing gymnastics in my ego; yes, the Olympics are live in my head right now. As it so happens, most of my seemingly-never-ending applications for scholarships, to the NY academy have finally been submitted. Subsequent to that nonetheless, is the nerve-gnawing wait for responses. I'm positive nonetheless, because this entire endeavor was approached with so much caution, hindsight and deathless determination from its onset, back in November last year. I remember reading the brief from my agent, and thinking of how I should pass this one, as I regretfully did for those 7de Laan ones in October (I mean now really, ME? what AM I GOING TO DO on flippen' 7de Laan) Ya I regret it now, I guess but I'm over it. So anyway, the next monday after first receiving the brief, I get a call from the agency, asking if I'm going to go because they want to send our show reels and photos through, so there on the spot I just found myself blurting, 'yes.'
The audition was far; right there along the entrance, or adjacent to O.R. Tambo International, in Kempton Park at a quaint and appeasing resort were the auditions for the New York Film Academy. The website called them 'Touring Auditions'. There were only about 16 other people present that day, who had come through hearing of the auditions from having heard through social groups and media platforms, and only about 5 were there through some of the more well-known casting agencies in JHB. I wasn't tense or nervous for this one, because I had rehearsed so many times that it became rather dehumanizing to continue- like I was mocking myself in a way ha ha. I had opted for the monologues; 1. Charles Manson's character in the movie, Helter Skelter, and 2. Arnold Beckoff in the play and movie rendition of the classic, Torch Song Trilogy. I did both my monologues seated, and suddenly thought; 'I should not have done that....what if they think I had no life in me?!' but had to relent of those thoughts as I was summoned to a quick question and answer session with the two auditioners present. The one was skeletal, tall, and had dread locks that fell to his waist; with an incessantly-languished expression, he personified the word, exhausted. The other looked a little livelier, and note that the degree of comparison here is not immense or grand; by 'little' I summon the expression: pinch of salt. He leaned forward every time he had to ask something, as if reenacting the notion that authority was rigid and upright. He threw himself lazily backward every time I answered, as if he could only understand others in that position. Their calmness eased me really; I love laid-back, tired looking people but then I guess it's because this is acting, and not metallurgical engineering. A peak of the artistic milieu.

Without running off on a tangent, they thought my audition was impressive, and asked me about my plans, my past, and all those mundane things they ask you in these types of situations. They talked about the scholarship, and spoke about all the amenities one would become privy to after enrollment. I did one of those mental somersaults aforementioned. I left the audition and went for some drinks by the pool with my cousins and watched the sun set, splashing the sky in the most scintillating burst of cashmere pink and diaphanous white ever. The light peeled over our car as we sped home, heading into the dark.

I've been so inundated lately, running to and fro with inquiries here and applications there- it's quite a roller coaster. Most of my applications have now been submitted and I can finally breathe, and enjoy the wait in the wake of nothing! As the Italians would say: Dolce Far Niente !! (Sweet Nothing) or the pleasure of doing nothing. However, much as I am piqued by the prospect thereof, it is not apparent that I will be able to lend make myself amenable to such luxury; I've taken on a modeling gig that's been hosting rehearsals for three weeks now, with the last one this Saturday. I've asked Chanelle to join me at this one, I know Pete- the instructor would take well to her, and wish to use her, since he did mention wanting another girl to join the cohort of tall-beauties already there. I get to arrive at 1 this week since there's nothing I need to work on. The show is on the 2 March and there'll be a fabulous after-party afterwards!! I can't wait. My two complimentary guests are going to be, Mobean and Chanelle and then all my other close friends are coming too.
If you need details for the show, go here

Anyway, stay cool, crazy, and don't be afraid to do what you need to do. Question. Inspire. Create and Recreate. Leave a legacy and become a legend. Love yourself. Love all. Now fuck the media, and the illusion of society. Breathe!
And vote for BJ, Text: Stem man 13 to 32005.!

Mi tesori, non dimenticate credere nella conoscenza e essere reale!! vi amo!

x
Ray